Youth Sports is a Killer

Politics, competitiveness, machinations in youth sports—and that's just the parents! Our 'Patch In' columnist asks: Is that true in Bethel?



Do you know parents like this?  Let us know in the comments section.


Rivals competing in a match-up for the season ending big game. Coaches making headlines because of off-the-field behavior. Leagues competing for players with commissioners needing to get involved.

Think this is about Major League sports? Think again—it’s what’s happening our towns’ youth leagues every day.

If I had a dollar for every time someone approached me and said, “You should write an article about sports in town and how awful it is!” I’d be a wealthy woman and wouldn’t have to write opinion columns anymore.

Yes, I have children that play in my town’s athletic leagues. And trust me, I do give thought to how writing about sports will impact how my kids are viewed when it comes time for tryouts. I had to think long and hard about how to approach this one.

I wasn’t a competitive athlete growing up, at least not when it came to team sports. While I did have to try out for cheerleading to make the squad (ack! can’t believe I’m admitting that one in public), back then it was a ‘club’ rather than something viewed as being athletic, and we certainly weren’t gymnasts or dancers. So I’ve had a sharp learning curve to navigate the world of youth sports.

My husband competed in swimming, and he grew up overseas, so I have a hard time believing his experience was similar to what it’s like being a competitive athlete in communities like ours, where the emphasis is so much on sports as the be-all-end-all kind of thing for our kids to do.

Regardless, viewing the phenomenon of organized team play as a parent brings being part of it to a whole new level. The politics, competitiveness and machinations are larger than life for something that should be, in its purest form, something our children simply enjoy. Linguistically, at least, sports are play. But it’s a whole different story when it comes to what sports really are in everyday practice.

In , where I live, there’s been a recent controversy that broke out when parents of younger field hockey players formed a separate booster organization to promote and focus on players not yet in high school. When the news broke that the Wilton Youth Field Hockey group had splintered off from the Wilton Field Hockey Association and there was a split in the parent leadership ranks, the proverbial stuff hit the fan. The finger-pointing and accusations ensued, including letters-to-the-editor and, I’m sure relationships that are now casualties at both the adult and kid levels.

Wilton’s not alone. In the last year we’ve seen stories like the lawsuit over discrimination and safety in lacrosse; coaches who had their youth football teams burn their trophies to teach them not to be satisfied with a third-place finish; a team disqualified for keeping ineligible players on the roster; a coach hitting an umpire; and the list could go on.

I’ve had people suggest I write stories about coaches who use abusive or inappropriate language with kids, or who pit them against their friends, all in the name of the win. Others have recommended I write something about the cliquey nature of sports parents, like the moms of your kids’ teammates who ignore you when you walk onto the sideline. Most parents have experienced the disappointment of a tryout that resulted in a child being the only one excluded from the team, so that could have made a potential story too.

But almost to a person, no one was willing to use their name to talk about it in print. The mark is too long-lasting.

What pushes parents to get over-involved in the sports leagues in which their children compete? What happens when some parents try to re-live their own gloried years on the gridiron or in other arena, and inflict the Freudian fingerprints of unfulfilled fantasies on their own kids? What happens to the children who can’t take the pressure, pain and disappointment?

Anytime I’ve been in a discussion with someone about sports in town, it inevitably leads to someone saying, “Sports in this town, it’s just unbelievable!” It’s usually followed by someone else countering, “Yeah, but it’s like that in every town.”

I’d love to hear your horror stories, frustrations or thoughts on the subject. I know we all fear the repercussions of retribution, so this will be the one time I’ll look the other way about anonymous comments. I’m curious if that is what it’s like in every town. Will you have the courage to play this game with me in print?

About this column: Trying to find meaning and connections in issues and events for the people of lower Fairfield County. 


Kindra King March 19, 2012 at 11:43 AM
I grew up in Bethel. I have three brothers and all of them played T-ball and then little league baseball. My two oldest brothers enjoyed playing and had a great time. My younger brother, who played at least 10 years after my two older brothers, hated it. The parents of his teammates were unrelenting in their aggression toward ANY player they thought was unworthy of the team. They stood on the sidelines scream expletives at the 5 year old T-ball players. It was sickening! Needless to say, my brother did not want to go on any further after T-ball and my parents did not make him. I now live in North Carolina and teach 2nd grade. I have many students who play in recreation basketball and baseball. Many of them are on opposing teams. I had one student tell me that they lost their basketball game and their coach made them run laps after the game as punishment. I asked the child if he tried his best and he told me he did. I had to comfort him and tell him that as long as he did his best, that is all anyone could ask. He wanted me to be his coach. Another of my students was on the winning team and bragged openly about their win and what losers the other team was. I had a long talk with my second graders that day. But, I am only one person and what these small children hear from the adults they admire and look up to is shocking and demoralizing. What are we teaching our children? Recreation sports should be just that RECREATION!


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